Rose-Aymone Sauvage de Brantes, BA English and Japanese
Populism is spreading across Europe as fast as seasonal depression in December. But don’t worry, we’ve got your back! Here are some tips on what to do in this gloomy political weather that will lift your spirits back up:
Become a populist politician’s online ghost-writer
If you’re looking for a job with no boundaries to your imagination, this might be the one. Populist messages are designed to appeal to people’s common sense. Populists construct a new threat or reproduce an already existing fear so that they can consecutively create hope and present people with a solution to a problem that wasn’t really there in the first place. In this new-born atmosphere of post-truth, you can really make your talent shine! Take pleasure in diminishing the opposition’s fact-founded arguments into simple opinions, or claiming that more people turned up to your inauguration speech than Obama’s. In a world where truth doesn’t matter, you cannot possibly get called out on your logical incoherence. Lying is normalised, so go ahead and write the most outrageous nonsense. You have absolute creative freedom.
Smash the dating app game with minimal effort
Do you find there are too many people on Tinder stealing all the penglings away? Does the diplomat coffee-shop middle class trigger your inferiority complex? Here’s a perfect plan to become more attractive, without working out or working hard. Find out what are some issues born from society’s current fears. Blow them out of proportion and choose a common enemy to blame it on. Historically, the most effective targets are foreigners, religious groups or the establishment. Make sure you yourself are not part of any said groups. When the voting season comes around team up with your local populist candidate. Present your observations to the audience and watch rumours demonising the scapegoat-group spread, and parents pressuring their children to choose a partner their conservative grandfather would approve of. The number of your potential love-rivals has diminished. In these alleviated conditions you will get laid in no time.
Start an education company offering quick training programs online
Many populist leaders rely on us versus them mentality, blaming either capitalism or mass migration for rising inequalities. In reality, they should blame automation. While great inventions like self-driving trucks lower the risk of truck accidents, they also leave many drivers with uncertain futures. Truck driving is just one of the lower-skill jobs that are gonna get replaced by computers and software. Technology is changing the work environment fast, and nobody is prepared for it. The demand for affordable and time-effective retraining is big. So seize the chance, while the market is still relatively niche, and make some bucks before Japanese engineers come up with an AI to replace you too.
Use your impossible love to become popular
Are you trapped in a love triangle, crushing on a centenary or madly in love with your cousin? Here is a way to get the best out of your misery. Charm is required though, so if you’re not very pleasant, follow one of those Youtube channels teaching people and sociopaths how to exist within a society. Once charisma has been acquired, indulge yourself in misinterpreting your crush’s every display of compassion as a grand romantic gesture until you reach absolute demagogy. As recent events like Trump’s election campaign or Boris Johnson’s Brexit have proved, charismatic demagogues are good at galvanizing the masses. You now have a bright future as a public speaker, politician, and/or comedian. Every word you say will become a religious mantra to your followers and so will your tweets. Kim K will get jealous of your social media followings, that is guaranteed.